the feel good diary.

comments from a batch of pictures i posted on dance.net, an international dance site. just for the next inevitable time that my self confidence as a dancer is in the negative amounts!

"your feet look super nice in all of them" - destinationchaos

"I think you might have some of the nicest lines I have ever seen!" - Badayla

"the first picture is amazing and it's my favorite. you have beautiful feet and such a long line on that arabesque!!!!" - andhearts

"hey raspberry!!! wonderful pictures! ^.^ love your lines you have such a nice slender body and gorgeous calf muscles! keep up the good work and don't work to hard with that bad ankle of yours ;)" - Degas_Dancer7

"You have really much style, wow!!" - isaanabella

edit// i almost went home early today. jazz and tap were bad. i was out of it, stressing because of a test that's overdue, more school i had to get done, plans for tonight that i wasn't sure were gonna happen and if they did if i'd even be allowed to go out, blah blah the list goes on. physically, i had a lot of energy, because i ate really well today (healthy carbs, salads, an egg..etc) but emotionally i was just dead. so i told my hip hop teacher that i was going home to get stuff done, she was understanding and let me go...so i called my dad to come get me. he wouldn't. "you're not dancing because you wanna hang out with your friend? so you're gonna give up your dream because 'you don't feel like it.' you just have to go in there and dance, and not think about anything else..." i was mad, because i was mad at myself for giving up and going home when i knew i should stay, and then  here he was accusing me of giving up my dreams. so i said i'd call my grandpa to come get me instead and ended the conversation with "whatever, bye."

i stayed. i walked back in on the beginning of class and my teacher just looked up and smiled at me. i kind of have a feeling she knew what was going on. so i danced. i focused only on dance and ended up having the most fun i've had on a thursday for weeks.

just an example of why i have no idea where i'd be without my dad...
//end edit

by 8pm tonight, i will have danced 4 hours (ballet/pointe, jazz, tap, hip hop) and because i was feeling fat from eating several bagels (haha) i ran a mile.

apparently i burned 3,111 calories.

i love thursdays.

...and then i choreographed for another hour. i feel good =) ...mostly because this is my senior piece and i haven't worked on it since february, but i got a lot done tonight, that i'm happy with..!

glissade, leap, glissade, leap. waltz to the right twice, pique 4 times on original diagonal, pique open to arabesque, tambe, pas-de-bourree, glissade, LEAP

today was one of the most amazing days, for dance anyway.

i went early to talk to casey about where i wanna go and what i wanna do with dance and my goals, strengths, and weaknesses. he told me to take as many classes as possible--we went over the classes i take every day right now, and he said i should do the modern class on wednesday that i was hesitant about because i thought it would be way too hard. he also wants me to audition for the CIDE nutcracker next year..auditions are may 19th. my weakness, he said, is my brain--learning combinations quickly enough. and that can only be fixed by doing it over, and over, and over...

pas de chat R, degage to pas de bourree L, pas de chat L, degage to pas de bourree R, glissade pas de chat R, glissade assemble, repeat to L

he also said i'm not that horrible, that i shoudn't be so hard on myself, and that there were people in his college dance program that were worse than me.

people say i'm good and i rarely see it, at least in anything that counts, but to have my teacher say that was amazing.

then we had class. it was by far the hardest class we've had, and i can't help but wonder if casey did that for me. he corrected me 1098234 times, which is exactly what i wanted. correct me after the combination, call me out and have me do it again, push me farther, higher, yell at me even--i don't care. i just have to get better. more technique. more phrasing. more musicality, more rhythm.

i just have to dance, and dance well.

really well.

wow, september 11. last time i posted in here i was three-quarters of the way in love with a boy and i couldn't do a double pirouette, much less a clean single. funny how life flies and things change...

i'm starting choreography on my senior piece. i finally found a song that i can listen to over and over again and dance to. it's never let go by bryan adams, and before i dance, i'll make sure everyone knows it's dedicated to every american soldier who goes out and fights because he chose to, because he is a hero yet would never call himself one, and because he knows what he has to do, despite all the bad-mouthing the war gets.

Can you lay your life down, so a stranger can live?
Can you take what you need, but take less than you give?
Could you close every day, without the glory and fame?
Could you hold your head high, when no-one knows your name?
That's how legends are made, at least that's what they say.

We say goodbye, but never let go.
We live, we die, 'coz you can't save every soul.
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down,
and never let go.

Can you lose everything, you ever had planned?
Can you sit down again, and play another hand?
Could you risk everything, for the chance of being alone?
Under pressure find the grace, or would you come undone?
That's how legends are made, at least that's what they say?

We say goodbye, but never let go.
We live, we die, 'coz you can't save every soul.
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down,
and never let go.

Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down,
and never let go.

We say goodbye, but never let go.
We live, we die, 'but you can't save every soul.
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down,
and never let go.

Will never look back, never look down,
and never let go.

this picture has always been one of my favorites, and i don't even know why. but i used to wish my back could do this.

it can.

Currently Listening Ten Days Pt.1 By Missy Higgins see related

6:00-7:00 Modern Int.

we had an awesome sub with a broken laptop and cds that didn't work. but it was a good class...

before i left for class i massaged my feet in hot water and it really helped...sometimes my feet feel stiff and awful when barefoot in modern. ok since this is basically just my class journal to help me remember combinations to practice at home, i guess i'll get on with that.

combination 1:
chainee', drop/contract (front foot forward), back up into pique', ball change, low attitude turn, ball change, swing back/stretch, prepare. repeat on left

combination 2:
run, switch kick, reach, snap head back and drop hands to hips, run, switch kick, high kick on releve', drop/contract, pique' reach/stretch. repeat on left.

i'm in love with missy higgins music!

and sofia boutella is my new role model